How To Make Friends In Adulthood

Discover how to make friends in adulthood through the powerful words of everyday people, acclaimed non-fiction works, and academic studies. Their collective wisdom forms a consensus that you can put to work in your own life.

Friends Are Found In Communities

You may have made your first friend in school. As students, whether in a kindergarten classroom or on a college campus, we are surrounded by people like us: peers who share similar goals and challenges. Sharing the same environment also allows for constant opportunities to interact, making it easier to form friendships. These factors explain why making friends is simpler during our youth. As adults, however, we need to recreate these conditions by seeking out similar circumstances.

I've found that building a social circle is best achieved by regularly interacting with the same group of people. Establishing familiarity and rapport takes time, but it’s worth it.

To make friends, I make it a point to regularly spend time in a specific place where others gather. Whether it’s a bar, a sports club, a volunteer group, or an online community, being a regular attendee helps me connect with like-minded people.

To make friends as an adult, I know I have to actively join groups and really invest effort into building relationships. This means I keep in touch with people and take the initiative to plan social activities. It's all about putting myself out there and making the effort.

Belonging is important for our growth to independence; even further, it is important for our growth to inner freedom and maturity. It is only through belonging that we can break out of the shell of individualism and self-centeredness that both protects and isolates us.

The consensus reveals several kinds of communities that have the magic ingredients for friendship, one of which is communities where people gather based on shared interests.

Building Friendships Around Shared Passions

Curiosity brings together communities of people who share interests in broad subjects like cooking and dancing, as well as a myriad of niche topics. Interest-based clubs provide ample opportunities to meet and bond with others who share similar passions.

I love exploring clubs and organizations that align with my interests, whether it's photography, dancing, or camping.

I decided to attend clubs and events that genuinely interest me and made an effort to be open to conversations with others. For example, I started visiting the Aquarium a few years ago, and through that, I formed some wonderful friendships.

Anime has been a big part of my life and has helped me form some really close relationships. I started visiting my local anime shop for events and activities, and it turned out to be a great way to meet people who share my passion.

Today the united city has ceased to exist; there is no more communion of ideas. The town is a chance agglomeration of people who do not know one another, who have no common interest, save that of enriching themselves at the expense of one another.

Volunteering is another good choice because these communities are informed by the shared values of their members.

How Shared Values Can Lead to Friendships

Volunteering means matching values with outward actions, and those who make the choice to act already share something significant in common. Research by Mark H. Davis on empathy shows that being in a compassionate environment fosters positive interpersonal relationships. When people volunteer, they often meet others who share their values and empathy, leading to strong, value-based friendships.

Volunteering at shelters for underprivileged kids introduced me to kind-hearted, sensitive people. I found my best friend and boyfriend there.

I discovered my community by volunteering. It's a simple way to connect with people who have similar beliefs.

I've found that volunteering for a cause I'm passionate about is an incredible way to meet people with shared interests. Not only do I get to make meaningful connections, but I also get to make a positive impact at the same time.

In the 1970s, researchers conducted a study that pitted a moral incentive against an economic incentive. In this case, they wanted to learn about the motivation behind blood donations. Their discovery: when people are given a small stipend for donating blood rather than simply being praised for their altruism, they tend to donate less blood. The stipend turned a noble act of charity into a painful way to make a few dollars.

Your workplace is also a community and so is your larger industry wherein there are opportunities to network.

Networking and Professional Goals Create Bonds

Achieving professional goals often involves networking, and this networking can lead to strong friendships. According to Herminia Ibarra's study on personal networks in management, professional networking expands access to information, resources, and social support, which are crucial for both career advancement and personal growth. Engaging in professional networks helps form bonds with others who have similar goals and interests.

Joining local professional groups like Young Professionals has been fantastic for networking. I’ve met people seeking both professional and personal connections, and it's a great place to find others with similar goals and interests.

Attending conferences and connecting on LinkedIn has been great for networking. While some keep work and personal life separate, I love being friends with my co-workers.

Most of my adult friendships are from work, and some are through mutual work acquaintances. A few ex-coworkers have been close friends for more than ten years.

When you define your goals, you give your brain something new to look for and focus on. It’s as if you’re giving your mind a new set of eyes from which to see all the people, circumstances, conversations, resources, ideas, and creativity surrounding you.

Your beliefs are often shared by a community of other believers and these communities can provide a firm foundation for friendships.

Connecting Through Shared Beliefs and Ideals

Whether spiritual or philosophical, shared beliefs are often strong enough to transcend common barriers to friendship such as anxiety or fear of rejection. Ellison and George's research highlights that religious institutions provide structured opportunities for social interaction and the formation of social ties. These environments offer the support and companionship needed for lasting friendships, demonstrating the strength of connecting through shared beliefs.

I found visiting local churches a great way to meet people my age and make new friends. If you’re sociable, just approach someone and start a conversation. And, of course, remember to listen during the sermon.

I met new people by volunteering at a new church, but I'm introverted and struggle with making friends.

I connected with my adult friends at church.

Cultures have norms that reflect centuries of shared beliefs and ideals. Do not expect to scoff at such things with impunity. You will be punished somehow, even if just through isolation — a position of real powerlessness.

Unique among communities are athletic teams which serve as a melting pot for people with otherwise varied interests, values, goals and beliefs.

The Role of Team Sports in Forming Friendships

In sports, people from diverse backgrounds come together in a way that transcends personal differences to focus on a common goal. Eime et al.'s systematic review shows that participation in sports provides numerous psychological and social benefits, including forming social connections and enhancing teamwork skills. Team sports offer a unique environment where friendships can thrive despite varied interests, values, goals, and beliefs.

Joining recreational sport leagues helped me break out of my introverted shell and meet new people while staying active.

My brother met friends while playing basketball at various courts.

I made friends in other cities through rowing clubs. Rowing is a fun and competitive sport where you get close to your teammates.

You see, I don’t understand why everyone thinks sports are the only way to learn about teamwork. I never played sports much, even as a kid. But I was in a band in high school and college, and I think I figured out the team thing from that.

Once you find your community the key is to be consistently present in it.

The Power of Regular Interaction

Regularly attending when the community gathers together will give you a consistent foundation for finding adult friends. Festinger, Schachter, and Back's study on informal groups reveals that proximity and regular interaction significantly increase the likelihood of forming durable friendships. Being a consistent presence in your community fosters familiarity and trust, which are essential for developing meaningful relationships.

I've learned that being present in one location consistently helps build connections over time with others who frequent the same place. This approach leads to friendships based on shared interests and familiarity.

Regularly visiting the same place can definitely lead to making friends with employees or other regulars. That happened to me at a coffee shop, and I've built some great friendships there.

I've found that consistently spending time together through regular activities makes forming friendships so much easier. It takes away the pressure to connect immediately or exchange contact information. Over time, relationships develop naturally through shared experiences in familiar settings.

People might be skeptical about their ability to change if they’re by themselves, but a group will convince them to suspend disbelief. A community creates belief.

When you are consistent in attending you give yourself countless chances to step out of your comfort zone.

Making the First Move in Friendship

Taking the first step can be intimidating, but you will not be banned from your newfound community for simply saying hello to another member of it. According to the research of Steve Duck, an expert in the psychology of relationships, the initial stages of friendship require clear and concrete gestures of personal investment and effort. Taking the initiative and making that first move can set the foundation for a meaningful and lasting connection.

When I feel a connection, I casually mention that I'm looking for a friend and ask if they are too. This simple approach often leads to exchanging contact information easily and maintaining a consistent connection afterwards.

Building relationships and making friends definitely takes effort and persistence, especially as an adult juggling many responsibilities. I've found that it often requires stepping out of my comfort zone to join social activities, but it's always worth it in the end.

I start friendships by simply saying "hey, we should be friends" when I click with someone, like an eight year old would. It helps to clear the air and gives us permission to pursue the friendship.

Unlike features of a landscape like trees and mountains, people have feet. They move to places where opportunities are best, and they soon invite their friends and relatives to join them.

Know the Keys to Making Friends as an Adult

Finding adult friends is undeniably challenging, but when we recognize why it was easier in our youth, the problem of how to make friends as an adult becomes less of a mystery. No doubt, even in school, barriers like social anxiety and fears of rejection may have been present and these may remain as obstacles for you today. If so, rather than feeling pressured to get a single interaction just right, give yourself the gift of joining a community. Consider your interests, values, goals, and beliefs, or pick a sport, to find a community with the necessary conditions for friendship. Be a consistent presence in your chosen community so that you have ongoing opportunities to step out of your comfort zone. Remember, if you cannot be proactive, just be consistent, giving your future friends ample opportunities to approach you and light a spark.

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